[Editor’s note: The letdown after UConn-UMass is very real, but a pair of Pac-12 teams are stepping up (or down?) to save the day in Arizona and Colorado. Meanwhile, what’s an NFL team doing in here?]
Inspirational thought of the week:
Where do we go from here now that all the children have grown up?
And how do we spend our time knowing that no one cares?
I don’t wanna live here anymore, I don’t wanna stay anymore
I won’t spend the rest of my life slowly fading away
– “Where do we go from here?” The Alan Parsons Project
Here at Bottom 10 headquarters, located in ESPN’s room where Andre Ware, Robert Griffin III, Desmond Howard and Tim Tebow keep their Heisman trophies (and, yes, at night they totally shoot a “Toy Story” and perform the ‘exercise Oklahoma when there are no humans around), we’ve spent the last few days reflecting on a conversation we once had with Scott Carpenter, one of the original Mercury 7 astronauts.
I asked Carpenter if there was a secret about America’s space heroes, something few people really understood, about their daring lives. He replied, “A very common problem for all of us has been depression. Why that ? Because we accomplished things at a young age that we knew we could never get past. Most of the men who walked on the moon were in their thirties. You look back on the rest of your life and think, “I peaked so great, so soon; where can I go from here? “You are tasked with finding another big challenge.”
This is the mental space we have found ourselves trapped in since dinner time on Saturday night. Because after two years of accumulation, the UConn-UMass football match was over.
– UMass Football (@UMassFootball) October 9, 2021
As the Minutemen celebrated their first win in 17 games and the Huskies didn’t, we looked sadly out the window and the rest of the 2021 season. Where indeed were we supposed to go from here? Then a friend of mine in Boulder, Colorado, Scott Carpenter’s hometown, texted me, “HOLY COW HOW BAD IS THIS ARIZONA VS BUFFS GAME GOING TO BE NEXT WEEK?”
Commander Carpenter, we have found another great challenge.
With apologies to Charles Frank, John Glenn, Dan Orlovsky (again) and Steve Harvey, here is the ranking of the last 10 of week 6 of 2021.
1. You can’t (0-7)
The first seven-game national team now has up to 11 games – and a year and 11 and a half months – without a win. This weekend he faces an FCS 2-2 Ivy League team without a stock exchange at Yale… and ESPN’s FPI computers, magically accurate, say there’s only a 40% chance that the Huskies beat the Bulldogs. Weft.
A week ago, the Fightin ‘Tarks had already matched UConn’s drought by losing their 11th in a row. They also suffered three-quarter injuries. And this weekend, they’re a touchdown outsider to visit the state of Utah. Worse yet, the folks at Roomba just had an inspection of the Allegiant Stadium, and everything is littered with Legos, Skittles, and Barbie shoes.
End of zone! Brittain Brown scores a 48-yard rushing touchdown against Arizona.
3. By the time I arrive in Arizona (0-5)
Arizona travel to face the Colora-duh Muffaloes, who failed to cover the spread against Open Date U. after falling to 1-4 on October 2. If Arizona loses this Mountain Time edition of Pillow Fight of the Week, it will officially be the worst performance by a Wildcat group since “High School Musical 2.”
4. FI (not A) U (1-5)
We owe Conference USA an apology. As we focused on our usual 10 haunts of #MACtion and Mountain West West, Conference USA produced not one, not two, not three… but five teams to one win. The top / bottom of those teams can be found on the Butch Davis Retirement Tour, where the Panthers’ only victory this season was against the Long Island University Sharks, who are seemingly a reality. Now Florida International will go four of their last six games against other teams to one win, starting this weekend with the 1-4 Western Kentucky Shrilltoppers, followed by Old Duh-Minions, North Texas Lean Green and of the Southern Missed. It’s a C-USA round robin, if the round robin means a tournament that has drunk too many rounds.
5. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-5)
Yes, we know they’re a coveted fifth-place NFL team, but the Jaguars quarterback and their coach were both in college about an hour ago, and they are currently operating at a lower level of football which is certainly worthy of standing, or falling, alongside these hot comrades from the college ranks. Plus, I haven’t written or said anything to drive Ohio State fans crazy for several weeks, so I’m due.
6. UMess (1-5)
Great moment. Great victory. Great defeat of his closest rival to UConn. But let’s not get carried away here, Minutemen. Wait … actually, yeah, let’s get ahead here, looking forward to Thanksgiving and a trip to …
Berdale Robins snatches the ball and takes it home for a 25-yard touchdown.
7. Phew Mexico (1-6)
As the Other Aggies were giving up six touchdown passes in a 55-28 loss to Nevada at exactly the same time Texas A&M upset Alabama and two weeks before their game against Utah State, we received a tweet from Bottom 10 devotee Ken Langston who read: “Since Whew Mexico St. is worse than Texas A&M and Utah St. shouldn’t they be the Other Other Aggies?”
8. Kansas Nayhawks (1-4)
As many Nayhawks fans have reminded me, they are already focusing on hoops, as basketball practice began on October 1 with Late Night in the Phog. In related news, this weekend marks the start of a seven-week period of Big 12 conference games to end the 2021 football season, aka All Fall in the Fog.
9. Arkansaw State (1-4)
Red Wolves coach Butch Jones told the Little Rock Touchdown Club on Monday: “I know there are a lot of Razorback fans here, but let’s be your B team until we play in 2025. ” Then he added, “We’re going to create a SEC atmosphere in our Arkansas State locker room.” When asked how he was going to build this, he replied that he was working hard. What he meant was using that SEC Arkansas paycheck.
10. Bowling in Akron, Ohio (2-4 / 2-4 / 1-5)
The Akron Zips were favorites to beat Ohio Not State two weeks ago, but lost 34-17. Then they turned around and beat Boiling Green in a game where they were listed as a two TD underdog. Meanwhile, Ohio continued their victory over Akron by taking a fourth quarter lead at home against Central Michigan. So now Akron has more wins than Ohio, but Ohio’s only win was against Akron and… we clearly know how it all works.
Waiting list: US (not C) F, Tulame, Tulsa Folden Hurricane, The Yew, Western Kentucky Shrilltoppers, Old Duh-minions, Southern Missed, North Texas Lean Green, Colora-duh State, Cow Berkeley, Georgia State Not Southern, Georgia Southern Not State , COVID-19[FEMALE[FEMININE